Want some seamen with your milkshake? Um, you can ask Uber Eats.
Believe it or not, that was a real request, but it wasn’t an isolated case of quirkiness.
Uber Eats has collected the most popular and the weirdest delivery requests it received this year, from asking the delivery person to sing Remove Kebab when they came knocking to sending a raw chicken.
The company published the results in its first Cravings Report this week. “At Uber Eats, we’re all about getting your order right, whether that means a side of seamen with your milkshake or ultra-spicy scrambled catfood,” said Janelle Sallenave, head of Uber Eats North America in an email.
The top 10 most popular requests in the US are mostly as expected, from one end of the spectrum with holding the onions, tomatoes or cheese to laying it on thick with extra sauce, cheese or spice. And ranch, Uber Eaters seem to love the ranch dressing.
Sometimes the combos requested did get a little odd: a shake with a side of ranch, mushrooms and ketchup, apples and mustard, fish and cheese, for example.
While most of us probably lean toward the minimal and mundane when adding our requests in the instructions field when we order food, some just say it with more flair.
Here are some highlights of the report (some user responses were edited slightly for readability):
THE 10 WEIRDEST REQUESTS
1. Asking the driver to, well, take some time to do the things we never had: “This is my boyfriend’s Valentine’s gift. It would be amazing if you could play Remove Kebab when you deliver the [doughnuts]. You don’t have to play the whole thing, really just the chorus on repeat.”
2. Living for the sauce: “This is unique but I like to dip my sandwiches very heavily in ranch and period blood. Very very very heavily!! I just live for sauce, I hate dry food! Can I please have six dipping sides of ranch and if there is a woman there on her period ill pay for her blood.”
3. Deconstructed sandwich: “Please send all sandwich parts separately. I will get my useless fat fuck of a wife to put it together.”
4. Some like it hot: “We like our food extremely spicy. Got a $20 dollar tip for everyone if you make the spaghetti and lasagna “Hot as a German girl in a Nazi uniform” and say it when you deliver the food. You know, so I know it’s real. Thanks, guys.”
5. One is never enough: “Please also send 13 containers of straws we have a lot of meth to get through.”
6. Seeking guidance: “Can you leave instructions for me instead? Do you recommend closing both eyes with each bite and daydreaming about gay beach parties in Goa?”
7. The bend and snap: “Bacon extra extra extra crispy; if you try to bend the bacon and it breaks then it is perfect! Just short of burned is another good way to describe it. Thank you in advance for your attention to detail regarding the cooking of the bacon. It is the most important part of the meal, so please take the request seriously!”
8. Don’t fear the reaper chilli: “Your tacos are so good!!! Returning customer. Can you please add the spiciest hot sauce you have on it, I like it spicy!!!! So don’t be afraid to add it. Is it the green spice salsa? Thank you!!!! Oh and P.S. do you have a piece of a lime you can add on the side?”
9. So you wanted extra noodles, right? “Extra NOODLES EXTRA NOODLES Extra NOODLES extra NOODLES Extra NOODLES EXTRA NOODLES.”
10. A poetic prayer for more protein: “Please let the protein gods bestow my platter with as much meat as possible. Heaps and heaps like the mountains of the Himalayas. And through the valleys and streams, an extra scoop of rice – to nurture the young landscape. Ok, I’ll keep it straight. I need as much meat and rice on this plate as possible.”
DELIVERY REQUESTS BY THE DAY
Monday: Eaters crave ketchup and extra mayo.
Tuesdays: Requests for sweet and sour sauce spike.
Wednesdays: They want extra rice and extra onions.
Thursdays: They really don’t want any onion, but they do seem to crave extra barbecue sauce.
Fridays: These folks are split on either side of the cheese aisle. Uber Eats says they see requests for both “extra cheese” and “no cheese” spike.
Saturdays: They like it hot and saucy! The requests are for foods across the board to be extra spicy, and people want sauces like honey mustard and ranch.
Sundays: Hold the tomatoes today. But they say bring on the teriyaki sauce.