Thirsty single mum hopes to attract next dropkick partner by posting selfie on Solo Parents Group

“Hey guys, just had my hair done, I think it looks terrible and I’m ugly” lied West Auckland woman Clare Kelley as she posted a completely irrelevant and highly posed selfie of herself on a New Zealand Solo Parents Facebook group this afternoon.

Despite being a 4 out of 10, and having basic-bitch red flags which include three stupidly named kids (Kayden, Nevaeh and Compton) to three dads, horrendously tacky tattoos, snapchat filters on most of her profile pics and a profile laden with misattributed Marilyn Monroe quotes, group members were quick to heap praise on Kelly.

Male members of the group, which explicitly states it is not a dating site, duly showered Kelly with offers, praise and attention she so desperately wanted, but couldn’t get from her wide collection of sex toys.

“Cor girl, you look hot. Once I get off home D, I’m keen as to come smash that teke” commented one poster, who was in the parenting group despite having had nothing to do with his kids for the last three years. This was met with a heart react and a “Pm’d you” comment from Kelley, which indicated the government was likely to have another mouth to feed within the next year.

Stuffed spoke to Kelley, who said “Yeah I joined the group a while back and quickly realised that it just contained three types of people – Women who wanted to whinge about their baby-daddies among other men-haters; thirsty bitches like me who want to find a guy to treat us like shit, knock us up then leave us; and those guys that I just described. It’s perfect for me. My short to medium term goal is to aim for child number four, because my benny isn’t enough to keep up with the increase of the price of smokes and alks.

The group admin, who set the strict rules which no one adheres to, declined to comment for this article, presumably because they were getting smashed on the floor of their state house by a recent tinder match while watching Tipping Point.

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