Pregnancy boom linked to “swimming pool masturbator”

A man has been arrested after being accused of impregnating up to 27 women in Dannevirke.

CCTV footage from the municipal pool showed the man visiting up to 7 times a day and vigorously and explicitly ejaculating into the main swimming pool up to three times per visit.

Authorities estimate at least 4 litres of semen were expelled per visit.

Since September, the local DHB has reported up to 27 local residents have become pregnant, with some reporting they do not have a partner and some have not reported even having sex. This triggered an alarm with local Police.

“We received reports of many unwanted and irregular pregnancies. After an investigation we concluded that each women had something in common,” said Constable Staines.

“This was that they went to the same place, the municipal swimming pool, and times and dates suggested it was during the possible gestational period.”

Female and homosexual officers went undercover at the swimming pool, as they were best suited to picking up trace amounts of semen.

Before long, Police discovered the unpleasant circumstances surrounding the pregnancies.

“Officers observed the individual treating his genitals like a turkey baster and he was quickly allowed to finish and was then taken into custody”, a Police spokesman said.

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