How to cope with getting hurt feelings online

Much of the time, the internet is a great resource for learning, sharing, and connecting with different people across the globe. But, new opportunities also means new opportunities to experience rejection, insults, and lots of unwanted contact with people whose presence we can only do so much to limit. Some aspects of coping with hurt online are different from coping with the same troubles offline–and some aren’t. Here are some ways to deal with hurt from unfriending, insults on social media, and cyberbullying. Coping with Dating Site Rejection and Unfriending…

Club captain comfortable enough with polynesian teammates to start saying ‘Uce’

Caucasian footy player Toby Rowntree has decided to take a giant leap of faith this afternoon. Sitting shirtless in the setting sun, on the side of the footy field, Toby was finally comfortable enough to call one of his Polynesian teammates “uce.” With a lukewarm can of bitter in one hand, and a pair of sunnies shading his precious white boy eyes from the harsh Australian sun, Toby says to Esi, “You had a mean session today uce.” Slightly unsure of what to say, Esi responded with “hahaha thanks gee.…

Bloke named Trent claims he knows how to get out of jury duty

A local chef with a questionable reputation is this evening assuring his mate’s girlfriend that he knows how to get her out of jury duty, one hundred percent. “It’s so easy” claimed Trent McPherson, a self-proclaimed jury-dodging genius. “Have you got a letter from your work?” Jasmine, the mate’s girlfriend, then informed Trent that obviously she had done that, and it hadn’t worked. “Really? Ok… Well there’s a few things you can do now, have you got a pen?” “These are some things I’ve done before that I reckon got…

Man who was legally sold to circus as baby still ‘owned by company’ says judge

A Mississippi man who was sold to a traveling circus at the age of three in 1993 by his mother has been ordered by the court to pay back the sum of $1,2 million dollars before he can get his freedom back. Jared Arnold, 28, was sold in 1993 to the owner of Circus Magicus, Todd Bentley, by his mother Tamara Lee Arnold. The contract specified at the time that M. Bentley took legal ownership of Jared until his 21st birthday, after which he would have to pay all expenses for…

Blind woman arrested after breastfeeding her guide dog on Auckland train

A blind Auckland woman was arrested last night in the Britomart Transport Centre after breastfeeding her guide dog in public, causing outrage among other passengers. 53-year old Margaret Smith, from Remuera in Auckland, climbed on the train with her dog in Manurewa around 9:30 PM last night, to get back to her hotel in Auckland City after spending the day visiting poor friends in state houses. Soon after getting on board, she began breastfeeding her guide dog in front of dozens of other passengers and continued despite several requests from…

91-Year-old catholic nun auctions her virginity to rebuild Notre-Dame Cathedral

A 91-year-old French Catholic nun devastated by the destruction by fire of the Notre-Dame cathedral of Paris is auctioning her virginity to the highest bidder to help in the reconstruction effort of the 12th-century Gothic monument. Antoinette DeBasile, a Dominican Sister of the Presentation of the Virgin Mary, is offering what she believes to be her most valuable asset to help raise funds to rebuild the Notre-Dame cathedral of Paris. Sr. DeBasile who entered the Dominican monastery at the age of 16, says she is ready to do anything in…

Local wanker does that beer thing

A local man has today demonstrated to all of his colleagues why he is the office funny guy. Bradley Thomas did so a short time ago at a popular Old City District establishment when he banged his beer on the spout of a fellow drinkers beer, causing their drink to overflow everywhere and make a mess. Immediately after carrying out the act so popular with people who have poor conversational skills and teenagers who’ve just started drinking, Thomas burst into laughter. “Ha ha ha cop that Phil ya spoon,” said…

British columnist Katie Hopkins roasts Jacinda Ardern over Sri Lanka attacks

Katie Hopkins, a columnist and former contestant in the 2007 The Apprentice TV show, has hit out at Ardern, saying she now expects her to be “dressed as the pope, ringing church bells across #NZ and praying in Latin in Parliament by noon”. The comment is a pointed reference to Ardern donning a hijab in a sign of solidarity for Muslim women in New Zealand after the shootings at two Christchurch mosques last month. But many Kiwis have come to her defence with one replying, “whatever the Prime Minister does…