A handy guide to not whipping out your penis and masturbating in front of people

Pulling out your penis and masturbating in front of someone who didn’t consent to it is not a moment of weakness, an accident, borne out of confusion over what is and isn’t okay, or difficulty adjusting to ‘the culture’. It should be perfectly obvious that if someone doesn’t enthusiastically ask you to take out your genitals and start masturbating, you shouldn’t do it. And yet, there are men who seem to be confused. In response to multiple allegations against him, Harvey Weinstein said that having come of age in the…

Meth lab explosion at Sky City Convention Centre

Fire services are attending a large blaze at SkyCity’s convention centre, which is currently under construction.  Rumours are circulating that a meth lab was being operated on the top story. A witness said she could see billowing black smoke coming from the Sky City Convention centre in Auckland central. Construction workers and p-cooks fled for their lives as a massive fire broke out on the top of the $700 million SkyCity Convention Centre in downtown Auckland. Thick black smoke is billowing from the building and can be seen from as far…

This stunning one-bedroom doorway includes ensuite bathroom

Homeless? In the market for a city-centre location that would be the envy of any apartment-seeker if it had walls, a door, warmth, comfort or security? Well, SatireHub Property may have just the pad for you. Located just off Aucklands Queen Street, this stunning one-bedroom doorway would suit any single homeless person looking for a place close to the heart of the city, but could also accommodate larger groups of people, such as the family of seven who presented at a WINZ office this week looking for accommodation only to…

Local girl has halloween costume picked out since May

Although the vast majority of the Halloween-enjoying population has yet to pick out their fancy dress costume for this year’s festivities, Waterford native Sheila Keeling has had hers picked out since May – and if she’s really being honest, she’s had it in mind since September of last year. Keeling, who describes Halloween as being ‘her Christmas’ is refusing to divulge details of the costume, but has hinted that it will involve several hours of sewing, gluing, papier mache modelling, some light CGI work and at least four hours in…

Te Atatū self-defence death: ‘If the van owner wasn’t white, we would of charged him’ say police

If the Te Atatū van owner who acted in self-defence was instead Maori or Pacific Islander he would of been charged with murder police say. Jason Murray, 36, died on Tuesday after an altercation with a man whose van he was trying to steal early on Sunday morning. Police believe Murray died of injuries suffered during the fight – but they believe the Pakeha van owner was acting in self defence. They have not said whether he will be charged over the death. He had co-operated fully with the investigation…

Saudi government to let woman masturbate without permission from male relative

The Saudi government has passed legislation that will allow women to masturbate without permission from a male relative, reports the Riyadh Herald this morning. The change was included in extensive amendments to laws governing the civil status of women and domestic animals approved by the cabinet this week and published in the official gazette on Friday. The new bill will allow women over the age of 21 to masturbate without securing the consent of a guardian, the same rules that apply to Saudi men, according to a statement from the…

A new study suggests that boyfriends who cheat are the most loyal and faithful boyfriends

Why do men cheat? And why do they sometimes continue cheating after they’re caught, even in the face of profoundly unwanted consequences like divorce, loss of parental contact, loss of social standing? A new study by Dr. Lethat Mango suggests a man who cheats and on his girlfriend or wife are more loyal and faithful than men who don’t cheat. Many dynamics can play into a man’s decision to engage in infidelity. In his study he found that men who cheat have so much love they can’t control themselves, and…

Preacher arrested for drowning his side chick during baptising ceremony

SHE WAS TRYING TO F**K UP A GOOD THING. I WAS GETTING DOUBLE THE P***Y FOR 32 YEARS, THEN SHE DECIDED TO CATCH FEELINGS” Pastor Ronnie Marchenen A Florida preacher was arrested for attempting to drown his sidechick while baptizing her during a Sunday ceremony where bystanders realized things were going wrong after 5 minutes past, and the pastor hadn’t brought her up for air. “ONCE HER WEAVE STARTED GETTING SOGGY WE KNEW SHE HAD BEEN UNDER WAYY TOO LONG” – CHURCH MEMBER Pastor Ronnie Marchenen will face attempted murder…

Kyle Sandilands calls the prophet Muhammad a ‘dirty pedophile’

Radio host Kyle Sandilands is under fire from religious groups for making offensive comments about the prophet Muhammad. During a segment on KIIS FM’s The Kyle and Jackie O Show, the 48-year-old said ‘Yeah, I know people got upset about the Virgin Mary joke but it was a joke. It’s not like I said something like Mohammed was a dirty pedophile and so are most Mulsim men’ He ridiculed the idea which is in the Qran that talks about the 72 virgins. ‘What other kind of religion offers someone in heaven…