Obese man accused of trying to steal a Christmas tree by hiding it in his asshole

A Warehouse store in Silverdale, north of Auckland faced one of the strangest shoplifting attempt in history yesterday: a would-be thief lost consciousness while trying to insert a 2 metre tall plastic Christmas tree into his anal captivity.

According to the police report, Marcus Shane Solomon took a 2.2m Christmas tree with him inside the store’s bathroom with the intent of inserting it entirely in his body cavities and steal it.

Unfortunately for him, the pain caused by the insertion was too great and he lost consciousness before the end of the process.

He was found lying bloodied and senseless on the floor in the middle of the restroom by other customers who immediately decided to call 111.

Lucy Myers, one of the women who found Mr. Solomon and called the ambulance, says she thought the man had been the victim of an extremely savage aggression.

“When I saw him at least two feet of a huge Christmas tree had been shoved down her rectal cavity, I thought it was the work of a sex maniac.”

Officers from Orewa Police were rapidly dispatched on the site expecting a manhunt for a sexual offender.

According to Senior Detective Scott Moustache, the officers were in disbelief when they saw the footage of the security cameras and understood that the man’s wounds were self-inflicted during an ill-conceived criminal plan.

“When we saw him go in the restroom with the tree and noticed that no one else entered before the witnesses who called us, we understood and instantly felt nauseous. That’s the dumbest crime I’ve ever seen!” 

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Constable Hurn says the authorities first believed that Mr. Solomon was a victim until they understood that all the evidence suggested otherwise.

The man was transported to North Shore Hospital where doctors still consider his condition “critical but stable” and no longer fear for his life.

He suffered from severe lacerations necessitating over 375 stitches and lost more than 2 liters of blood. He hasn’t regained consciousness yet, but doctors expect him to do so within a few days.

Mr. Solomon has a long criminal record including several shoplifting charges, as well as other crimes like possession of counterfeit documents and even impersonating a police officer.

He will face two new charges of shoplifting and indecent exposure, but his lawyer has demanded a pŝychiatric evaluation to determine if he is fit to stand trial.

The evaluation is set to take place after he regains consciousness and recovers from his injuries, which means her trial shouldn’t take place before February or March of next year.

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