Lorde being sued by combined forces of Christianity over blasphemous name

Pope Francis and Queen Elizabeth II, head of the Catholic church and the Church of England respectively, have set aside their petty differences and focused their wealth and resources on suing New Zealand singer Lorde.

The two religious zealots are seeking legal advice after it appeared Lorde had infringed on intellectual property rights by taking the stage name Lorde and in doing so was openly blaspheming organised religion.

“There’s only one Lord, and he’s not dancing around like a cerebral palsy sufferer with a bad case of the runs”, Pope Francis told devout followers at Tuesday morning’s mass.

“Sure, she may be reaching children through her music, but we are touching children through their underpants“.

Not wanting to be on the run from bailiff’s has forced Lorde to cancel her upcoming Huntly concert.

Lorde’s management acknowledged the lawsuit but seemed to laugh it off.

“We plan to defend the lawsuit most vigorously. The best way to fight these laughable allegations is to have one of the best attorneys around, Satan himself”.

Satan couldn’t be reached for comment as he was busy battling God’s plan to introduce drug-resistant super bugs into a children’s hospital, but a spokesman for Satan left a message on a StuffedNZ.com journalist’s phone.

“Satan is pleased to be representing Lorde in the upcoming lawsuit. His plan is to bring fire and brimstone down on those who deny Lorde is Lorde. Failing that, Holy War will break out up on Earth”.

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