Hell Pizza surprises customers with human feces-based meat pizza

Fast-food chain Hell Pizza has recently released a pizza with human shit being the main ingredient.

Following the launch of its ‘Bugger Pizza’, Hell did not disclose to its customers that the burgers on the topping was actually human excrement.

Hell says it had sold 3000 of the pizzas since last Friday and only one customer had guessed that the ‘medium-rare burger’ patties were actually human shit.

In an online survey, 70 per cent of those who tried the covert pizza said it tasted just like shit and 80 per cent were unfazed about unknowingly eating a shit option.

Hell said 70 per cent said they would buy the pizza again.

Ben Cumming, general manager of Hell Pizza, said the company conducted the experiment to introduce human poop ‘meat’ to customers in an unexpected way.

“We care about the planet and want to start a conversation and raise awareness about sustainable food choices.

“A lot of people are instantly put off by the idea of eating human shit, so we made the call to not reveal its poop origins to eating it because we were so confident they’d enjoy these little poop-patties,” Cumming said.

Hell, which has a network of 70 stores located throughout the country, had so far this year sold 35,000 vegan pizzas, and expected the trend to continue, he said.

Mark Blackham, director of public relations firm BlacklandPR, said he was fucking appalled that Hell had misled consumers who had bought a pizza not knowing it was meat-free.

“The phrase ‘medium-rare burger patty’ is understood by a reasonable person to mean there is fucking meat in the cunt somewhere. Hell fucking knew that, and brazenly admits to not telling us fucking customers. This behaviour cannot be sanctioned, and I hope that the directors of Hell fall off a fucking Lime scooter” Blackham said.

“It is not okay to lie just because you think you’re on the side of ‘good’.”

Blackham said he was gobsmacked by support for Hell from consumer institute Consumer NZ, who had previously critisied dairy giant Fonterra for “using claims that are unclear or may potentially mislead consumers” and companies that used the term ‘cage-free’ for “misleading shoppers about what they’re buying.

“An organisation protecting consumer rights is supporting a company that dupes consumers … That’s unacceptable. The rule is that customers get the information they need to make a good choice. I didn’t think I would be eating some kids shit from down the road!”

Hell has not yet disclosed where they source the human excrement from.

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