FROM THE ARCHIVES – The Reasons Why Living In Wanganui Will Ruin Your Life

Originally published on BuzzFeed, StuffedNZ.com has pulled one out of the archives for your enjoyment.

1. You can brag to your friends and family that you’re living in “Murder City”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2. Even the Police are corrupt and appear alongside the local Pooches in the stunning District Court.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3. The handsome ex-Mayor single-handedly revived the World’s turtle-neck industry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Roller Derby is considered a real sport and draws larger crowds than any Pirates rugby game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. The Village Idiot wants his land back but refuses to return the muskets and blankets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. The only time National and International news outlets pay attention to us, is due to the fact we smell like sewage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. An attempt to create pride in the city is, at best, confusing and decidedly un-sexy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8. Instead of enjoying the wildlife at Virginia Lake, we kill it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9. The Talbot Street dairy make-over has really helped the community spirit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10. If the river isn’t being used as a toilet by dozens of truants, it’s in flood and causing more harm than good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11. Forget fishing or a casual cruise up the Wanganui River, it’s cordoned off to search for yet another body.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

12. Overall crime may be down, but it’s good news for visiting rugby teams – Sexual Assaults are up by 25%!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13. Sexy ex-Police Officer’s will offer you sexual favours in exchange for work or hair-care products.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14. Social parasite’s are encouraged and rewarded for their atrocious behaviour and degenerate work ethic.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

15. Thinking of visiting our fantastic beach? You’ll be fucking stabbed to death.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

16. Wanganui’s favourite son Jevan Goulter not only likes cocks in his mouth, but he also likes standing next to them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

17. Where else can you get a greasy toasted sandwich and then pay for some local tramp to tongue-bath your gooch all within 5 metres of each other?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

18. Searching for “Wanganui makes me want to commit suicide” returns over 22 million results.

 

 

 

 

 

19. The Castlecliff mole is blatantly misleading and confusing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

20. Wanganui is the home of the internationally used and revered insult, “Grape Looking Slut”.

 

 

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