Dean Lonergan Shocks Sports World With Admittance Of Heterosexuality

New Zealand and Australian sports fans have been left with egg on their faces after former Kiwi’s league superstar Dean Lonergan came out as heterosexual this afternoon.

Speaking exclusively with, Lonergan confirmed he is, “strictly into sheilas mate”, despite a wealth of evidence pointing to the contrary. League fans will remember a Test match against Australia in Melbourne in 1991 where Lonergan clashed famously with Kangaroo forward Steve Roach and had to be carried from the field. What fans didn’t see was the five day binge of cocaine, slabs of VB and countless male prostitute spanning the Melbourne suburbs from Hume to Brimbank.

Former Kiwi’s league international and BBQ sauce spokesman, Matthew Ridge was surprised by the news.

“I’ll tell you what, I’m bloody surprised. The shit I’ve seen old Lonergan do with blokes would curdle the milk in a cows teats”, said Ridge.

The NZRL wouldn’t return’s calls today, but board member Reon Edwards, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the news would certainly send ripples down through the sport’s ranks, possible down to a grassroots level.

“I’m proud Deano finally had the guts to stand up and take control of his life. I’m sure others will follow in his footsteps and from chatter in the boardroom, Dean will be releasing a 3 part mini-series documenting his transition from sex with men and animals to regular sex with women and damp bags of self-raising flour.”

Lonergan’s current role as breakfast show host on LIVESPORTRadio is on hiatus as the news had alienated the majority of their homosexual listeners.

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