Cousins arrested after refusing to stop having sex during funeral

An Invercargill couple has been arrested after refusing to stop having sexual intercourse during their grandmother’s funeral.

Tiffany Bates, 31, and Clifton Bridges, 19, who are in fact close relatives, were apprehended by Invercargill Police after employees of the TalInvercargill Funeral Home complained that the couple was having “loud sex,” “perturbing funeral services” as well as “scaring the guests.”

Tiffany Bates and James Bryant, who were both attending the funeral ceremony of their grandmother with other family members, decided to skip away from the funeral ceremony and indulge in sexual activities only meters away.

“We alerted the pigs after several unsuccessful attempts to stop them from having sex on the property of the funeral home” explained Invercargill Funeral Home employee, Jane Andrews.

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Both suspects admitted being under the influence of amphetamines, GHB, and crystal meth when apprehended according to Invercargill Police Officer, Ben McDirty.

“The woman just kept screaming and the boy just kept pounding her like he was in a porn movie. They both looked high as fuck,” said another employee.

Apparently, Tiffany Bridges and James Bryant are first cousins and had been living together as a couple for the past 6 months according to family members.

“There is no law against first cousins having consensual sexual relationships in Alabama, so no charges will be pressed on that account” Constable Adam Watts, said yesterday.

The couple faces 26 charges for lewd and lascivious behavior, disturbing the peace, obscenity in a public place and drug possession.

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