Man who accused Crusaders of hetrosexual slurs threatens to release footage of incident

The man who claims three members of the Crusaders rugby team made hetrosexual slurs against him in a McDonalds in South Africa has threatened to release CCTV footage of the incident. Alexandros Paterimos posted on Instagram about an encounter with the visiting Crusaders team on Saturday night, after the defending Super Rugby champions drew 19-19 with the home-team Stormers. “We were attacked by members of the New Zealand rugby team in the McDonald’s on Long/Kloof St last night,” he claims. “As we entered, we were met with jeering and sniggers…

Club captain comfortable enough with polynesian teammates to start saying ‘Uce’

Caucasian footy player Toby Rowntree has decided to take a giant leap of faith this afternoon. Sitting shirtless in the setting sun, on the side of the footy field, Toby was finally comfortable enough to call one of his Polynesian teammates “uce.” With a lukewarm can of bitter in one hand, and a pair of sunnies shading his precious white boy eyes from the harsh Australian sun, Toby says to Esi, “You had a mean session today uce.” Slightly unsure of what to say, Esi responded with “hahaha thanks gee.…

Israel Folau finally comes out of the closet

Israel Folau looks to have had a change of heart head-on after finally coming out of the closet on social media. The rugby superstar has posted a banner on Instagram saying “drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars and fornicators” among others that heaven awaits them. “Those that are living in heterosexual relationships will end up in Hell unless you don’t give the gay a go. Jesus Christ loves you and is giving you time to turn away from your sin and come to him by practicing same sex affairs” his post says. Israel Folau is…

“Yes, we are still shit. I have lost my faith” – Kearney after NZ Warriors loss

The New Zealand Warriors have dropped to 8th place on the NRL competition ladder after their 34–6 loss to the West Tigers last night. The Warriors scored one try to the home side’s six and were scoreless in the first half while the Tigers posted twelve points.  However it was the second half that really cost the New Zealand NRL team. This was the first defeat of the season for the Warriors after their massive win against the Bulldogs last weekend, winning 40 – 6.  This match was a very different affair. “It was…

Surfing king Kelly Slater makes surprise visit to Mangawhai Beach and reckons the waves are shit

It’s not often a member of the surfing elite makes a visit to Northland, let alone the best of them all: Kelly Slater. He isn’t impressed with the non-existent swell at all. The 11-time world champion surfer made a surprise appearance to Mangawhai Heads beach on midday Sunday in what was his first visit to New Zealand since 1993. Slater, born in the United States, was in the country as a guest player in a golf tournament at Tara Iti golf club in Mangawhai. After visiting the local surf shop,…

Man trains for arm wrestling championship by watching online porn

A local man who has become somewhat of a folk hero has finally revealed the secrets on how he has become a world champion arm wrestler, by watching online porn. Jack MeHoffer admits that his training technique is slightly out of the ordinary “I sit here all day watching this screen and jackin’ my pecker” he said with a thick southern twang. ” This is how I train, 8 hours a day, always my right hand.” Jacks legendary forearm has a circumference of over 15 inches, larger than most biceps…

Adidas develop new NRL boot featuring ankle bracelet compatibility

Moving with the times, popular sports brand Adidas have today announced the release of a new range of football boots. The second largest sportswear company in the world made the announcement this morning, unveiling their new styles ahead of the 2019 winter codes season. Notably, the new range will feature a new cutting-edge ‘NRL Boot,’ that will combine the added ankle support popular with modern day players, with the added ability to attach an electronic monitoring bracelet if required. The new feature comes after the shitshow that was the 2018-19…

7-year-old athlete outed as steroid junkie

The seven-year-old kid known as “Blaze420SmokeItUpG” from Tampa Bay in Florida has been outed as a steroid junkie. It’s been six months since Blaze first went viral when NBA superstar LeBron James posted a video of Ingram exploding through defenders in a local little league game of American football. The scary thing is that in the last six months, Ingram has actually got more freakish with the help of steroids. Advertise with NZME. The sprinting sensation over the weekend returned to the track for his first athletics meeting of 2019.…

UFC 234 – Live stream links!

Not long until Israel Adesanya takes on Anderson Silva in UFC 234.  Here are some links to live stream it for free. https://www.vipbox.live/ufc-live 1pm – Exclusive FIGHT PASS prelimsStream 1Stream 2Stream 2 2pm – UFC 234 PrelimsStream 1Stream 2Stream 3 3pm – Anderson Silva VS. Israel Adesanya Stream 1Stream 2Stream 3