Garner uncannily smug for someone who can’t hold a marriage together

Part-time moron & outspoken AM Show presenter Duncan Garner and his gorgeous, voluptuous wife have separated after six years of marriage. Deanna Delamere, 47, a teacher’s aide, posted on social media that the pair had split. Delamere told SatireHub the break-up was a relief and “6 years too late”. “It’s my business and Duncan’s – no one else’s really.” “Apart from Woman’s Day who have paid me $25K for the juicy deets lol”. Delamere left their Auckland marital home last weekend and moved back to Wellington where her two cats…

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Kate Hawkesby: Will police really enforce a ban on smoking meth in cars with kids?

In the latest move of ideology over substance, the Government’s going to ban smoking meth in cars around children. This ban will be in place by the end of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I think anyone smoking meth in a car with children is inconsiderate, selfish and deserving of a fine – but here’s the problem. Who will enforce it? And how often? Will it be like driving with phones? How prevalent is that despite a ban? Just last year police were accused of ignoring phone use in cars…

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Why Australia is better than the USA at killing unarmed black men

Since late last year, Middle-America has revisited an uncomfortable phase of citizen unrest reminiscent of the early 1990’s. Video footage and viral campaigns that highlight police brutality has had a pressure-cooker effect on many disadvantaged American communities as well as their supporters. These tensions appeared to climax in November 24, after the police officer who shot the unarmed eighteen year-old, Michael Brown, was not indicted by a grand jury in Ferguson, Missouri. This reminds us of other people that have suffered at the hands of American authorities. Whether they are police, community…

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Opinion: It is time to stop dole bludgers from having kids

For me, having five children is an important personal choice, but for poor people it’s just incredibly irresponsible. Just like snorting coke or gambling on horses, if middle-class people do it it’s sophisticated and aspirational, but if benefit bludgers do it, they’re shiftless, negligent scum. My five kids will grow up as walking ecological catastrophes due to the fact that they will have enough money to buy massive cars and go on shitloads of foreign holidays, but I don’t care about that as long as I can keep popping out…

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Opinion: If women weren’t so lippy, there would be less domestic violence

OPINION: Violence, in all its forms, is abhorrent, however, men alone cannot stop violence against women and men alone cannot stop what they cannot see. If it were that simple, we would not be in this position as a nation.  Men who perpetrate violence against women are not the problem. Violence is the outcome of the problem, and the problem is shame. Men are ashamed, confused, and they are stuck.  Violence is a systemic problem, and it is one that requires both men and women to do things differently to create social and cultural change. Asking men…

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Opinion: Is Hamilton the best abortion destination?

Planning a needlessly harrowing trip down the line for a medical procedure that you can’t get here in rural areas? Don’t be in such a rush to head to the old reliables such as Auckland or Wellington; it appears that when it comes to getting access to abortions, Hamilton is the hottest destination for kiwi sluts right now. Coming hot off the announcement by Hamilton mayor Andrew King that Hamilton’s hospitals and alleyways would open their doors to women from all over the North Island looking for safe and legal…

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Man disgusted after ‘finger-banging’ Waiuku girl he met on Tinder

A man from the North Shore visited the small country town of Waiuku to meet with a girl he had been chatitng to on Tinder for the last 3 weeks. He sent Stuffed this email Hi Stuffed, Please find attached photo of the aftermath of mu drunken date in Waiuku. Met this girl called Sarah on Tinder, talked shit for a few weeks, exchanged nudes and then decided I would drive down to meet her. Arrived in Waiuku and waited where she asked me to and all of a sudden…

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Man disgusted after ‘finger-banging’ Waiuku he met on Tinder

A man from the North Shore visited the small country town of Waiuku to meet with a girl he had been chatitng to on Tinder for the last 3 weeks. He sent Stuffed this email Hi Stuffed, Please find attached photo of the aftermath of mu drunken date in Waiuku. Met this girl called Sarah on Tinder, talked shit for a few weeks, exchanged nudes and then decided I would drive down to meet her. Arrived in Waiuku and waited where she asked me to and all of a sudden…

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Bogan with Holden VX Commodore whinging about petrol prices

A petrol-head who drives a V6 Holden are protesting the current fuel prices, he says the costs are ‘Killing them’ The Savage family who drive a gas guzzling V6 Holden are just another classic bogan family whinging about the price of petrol. Maybe if old-mate Karl didn’t spend all his money on Metal Mulisha t-shirts, Woodstock and Cola, Port Royal 50 grams and decided to sell his much-loved V6 for something a little more less petrol consuming then maybe, just maybe they wouldn’t have to do such a stupid protest… which won’t achieve…

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Vaginas are 87% dirtier than the male penis

Good morning. Yesterday, some coworkers were discussing the differences between a penis and a vagina. Stupid conversation and my coworkers mostly talked about penises. I didn’t wanna argue with them then so allow me to explain, in this rather brief five-paragraph essay, why vaginas specifically are gross as well to y’all, since I’m too much of a wimp to discuss this irl. I’m not gonna talk about dongs because honestly, dongs aren’t nearly as gross. The three points I will discuss in my next paragraphs are cleanliness, chances of contracting…

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