Corrections looking for prison officers

Corrections officers are responsible for the safe, secure and humane containment of prisoners and for actively motivating them to make positive changes in their lives. Corrections officers often spend more time with prisoners than anyone else, so they play a key role in encouraging prisoners to attend and complete their rehabilitation and education programmes, trade training and other programmes inside the wire. In this way Corrections officers contribute to reducing re-offending. Corrections officers work in shifts in a variety of areas within the prison and carry out the daily routines…

9 people drown at Auckland BBQ

Nine people have died and four more are still missing, following an Auckland man’s attempts to have a nice early winter barbecue in his back garden on what seemed to be a perfectly nice day. David Jones had called home earlier yesterday to tell his wife Eileen ‘not to put on any dinner’, as he had checked the forecast and deemed it to be the ideal evening to get a few friends around for burgers and beers. However, Jones cook-out quickly turned to catastrophe following the application of burger to…

Prison pies are shit on Sunday

For the last few days I was really enjoying some of this prison food – especially the fish and chips on Friday. Tonight though its fucking shit. We ended up getting a shitty pie, potatoes and some mixed vegetables. It didn’t fill me up. Well not as much as the screws cock anyway.

Daniel Green – The fraudster who stole Johnny Danger’s dream

Johnny Bennett’s Danger’s Lager flew off supermarket shelves on its release toward the end of 2017. Within months, the product had vanished, leaving in its wake debt, deceit and scathing accusations. Twelve months on from his death, the social media comedian’s heartbroken parents are fighting to save their son’s beer company. Bennett’s death was a sudden and shocking loss to many, but to no one more so than his parents, who are desperately trying to continue his legacy.   “He wanted his beer to go to four corners of the Earth…

Friday night fish and chips a Kiwi prisoner classic

It’s Friday. The prospect of an after-wank drink with a cell mate and an easy and tasty evening meal of fish and chips delivered to your cell door is a New Zealand prison tradition we all enjoy. Fish and chips have always been our takeaway favourite. Burgers, fried chicken, Subway sandwiches, kebabs, Chinese: over the years we’ve eaten all these on Friday nights. But we’ve always come back to fish and chips. They taste best on Fridays straight from the prison canteen, no question. Invercargill Prison even cuts their potatoes…

Are you looking for a career in journalism?

Are you looking to start a career in journalism? If you want variety, enjoy working at a slow pace, and aim to see your byline on the country’s best news site, SatireHub, this is the job you have been looking for. We are looking for a senior reporter to join our busy online newsroom. Working on a rostered basis, you will be concentrating on covering big issues that matter to New Zealanders and the world. We currently have 17 remotely based reporters and we need more! As part of our…

“Only we’re allowed to spy on people” Google tells Huawei

Tech giant Google has announced it will be barring Huawei from updates to its Android operating system as the Chinese smartphone maker is accused of doing exactly what Google already does – harvesting peoples information. The move comes after the Trump administration added Huawei to a list of companies that American firms cannot trade with, citing a threat to American national security from those “dodgy Chinese lads”. “Yeah, we harvest a lot more information from our users, but we’re not Chinese,” said Google CEO Sundar Pichai, “we track what you browse online, your…

Doctors want cannabis risks highlighted

A group of so-called doctors with nothing else better to do than ruin cannabis legalisation for every man, woman and child in New Zealand want the risks of the plant highlighted, the bunch of fucking pricks. In a letter published in The NZ Herald today, goody-two-shoe doctors from the Cannabis Risk Alliance said the government was “sleepwalking” its way into supporting cannabis use, pointing to the development of severe mental disorders among users, particularly psychosis, which is a load of bollocks because cannabis cures cancer and everything and they should…

Satirehub claims top honours at 2019 Voyager Media Awards

Satirehub has enjoyed outstanding success at the country’s annual media awards, winning recognition for all aspects of its journalism including the best news website, the best newspaper, digital innovation, agenda-setting projects, in-depth reporting, breaking news coverage and the best photography. Satirehub was named the best news website at the Voyager Media Awards ceremony in Auckland on Friday night. Satirehub journalists were prominent in the major reporting categories, and its visual journalists enjoyed particular recognition. On top of that, three editorial projects won major categories, and Stuff editor in chief Boris Peterson was honoured as New Zealand’s editorial…

The 10 best things about being a police officer

There are many reasons to be a police officer. Sure, you have the chance to earn a good salary, excellent retirement benefits, and great health insurance for you and your family. Then there’re those altruistic reasons that come with the job: public service, protecting your community and knowing that you’re making a difference for the people around you. But the real secret is that, aside from all those practical reasons to becoming a police officer, the job is just plain fun. So, whether you’re already on the job and just need a…