Hamilton prostitute arrested for not telling clients she has HIV

Police are investigating a Hamilton woman for allegedly soliciting sex via a New Zealand sex workers website and not disclosing her HIV-positive status to multiple sexual partners. Sources tell us more than 70-people responded to the well known prostitutes advert online but it’s unclear yet exactly how many of those people followed through with meeting her. Either way both the Hamilton Police say it’s a significant public health risk that she failed to tell her sexual partners she was HIV-positive. In late the well known prostitute was arrested at a…

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Auckland man hilariously breaks jaw crashing Lime scooter and fiancé sooks online

n Auckland man is suffering from a broken jaw and a range of cuts and grazes after his Lime scooter he was riding crashed. Now his fiancé is nore cut up than him. Liam Thompson, 27, did a double front flip over the handlebards of a Lime scooter he was riding on Friday evening, on his way home from his local drug dealers house in Sunnynook, on the North Shore. Thompson was en route home with a 50 bag and 6-pack of vodka cruisers for his son’s first birthday party…

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Maori Party to sign up for unemployment benefit

After a hilarious defeat at last year’s election, the Māori Party has admitted the tagging is on the wall and has signed up for the Unemployment Benefit. What began in hope 14 years ago has been reduced to a few dozen die-hard Māori Party members presiding over a living funeral. It’s not that there isn’t any work for the Maori Party, it’s just that the Maori Party will not work. Who ordered sushi for the Māori Party? Māori Party open to everyone but ‘damn Pakehas’ Māori Party smacks mouthy wife…

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Top 5 alcoholic beverages to drink while pregnant in Rotorua

With a damning and not surprising survey revealing that a startling 60% of Rotorua women consume alcohol while pregnant, it’s time to take a look at ways in which the average pregnant woman can still have a few drinks now and then without busybodies sticking their beaks in. Here’s 5 cocktails you should drink during the nine months you’re up the duff, to spare yourself the withering looks from do-gooders. 1) Purple Goanna Got doctors, friends and family telling you that you shouldn’t drink while pregnant? Throw their remarks about…

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NZ weekly rent price set to increase 30% by end of this headline

THE latest news emerging from the New Zealand property and rental market suggests that due to a shortage of houses available, prices will have been driven up as much as 30% in the time it took you to read this article’s headline. The Labour government, millennials and the Salvation Army all expressed their concern, however they declined to comment on the record for fear any lengthening of the article could see further price increases. “I mean, depending on how long I ramble on about ‘current market factors’ and ‘confidence in…

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Construction industry in meltdown; Bob the Builder files for insolvency

Bob the Builder, the world’s fifth-largest home builder and NZ’s premier house & land package provider, has been put into administration and rumours of liquidation are abound. SatireHub has learned the building company owes creditors and homeowners as much as $146m and hasn’t been able to renegotiate credit terms, according to documents filed in the Hamilton High Court. Bob the Builder, real name Robert Shoddybuilt, is already being pursued by investors and building supply companies arising from the disastrous, yet sexy, ‘Ready Steady Build’ project in the town of Huntly.…

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Maori man gets to work and back without being stopped by police

In a feel good story that is probably the first of its kind, a Maori man has gotten all the way to work, and back, without being stopped or harassed by the local police force. 44 year old truck driver and local Maori man Hemi Pakeha was “Confused but happy” at not being stopped in public. Wearing a pair of Hunting and Fishing trackies and a high-vis jacket, a well spoken Jerome said “Im a law abiding citizen and although I dont have a criminal record I usually get stopped…

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Feminists call for action after man commits ‘Stare rape’ on train

A man who was innocently admiring a beautiful woman on the train has become the subject of an internet hate campaign today, after he was accused by a feminist group of perpetuating a ‘Stare rape’. The organisation, known as Feminist Action Team aka FAT, has called for the man to ‘Serve time’ after his ‘Victim’ took a snap of him looking at her and then presented the photo as evidence of her ordeal to the group. Candice Von, spokesperson for FAT was quite rightly outraged at the rape. “I can’t…

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Scientists confirm ‘Clear Link’ between vaping and homosexuality

One of the latest inventions in the world of drug abuse has “conclusively” been linked to an increase in homosexual behaviour, an extensive study has shown. ‘Vaping’ or ‘E-Cigs (Exploding Cigarettes)’ as they’re known, are electronic cigarettes that emit large amounts of nicotine but very little amounts of tar and Co2, there has been little research into their supposed health benefits but some people do believe that they help quit smoking cigarettes. One scientists extensive study of 456 male vapers in the Twisted Cloudz believes to have discovered “hard evidence”…

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Airbnb host shocked after watching bridal party engage in drugs and lesbian sex

An Airbnb host was shocked after watching members of a bridal party preparing on the wedding day snorting cocaine, drinking and getting involved in homosexual sex. Auckland Airbnb host Michael Kaukaletis told Satirehub he watched the bridal party engage in sexual homosexual acts, drug use and heavy drinking. Kaukaletis wasu using a 360-degree spy camera with a 32GB memory card to capture the event. Everyone who I shoed the video to were stunned. “They were shocked and angry. Even myself. It’s totally illegal what theu were doing!”

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