Racist Māori woman abuses Springfield Store and Cafe owners

A video has surfaced online of an aggressive Māori woman abusing the two lovely owners of the Springfield Store and Cafe in Canterbury. Springfield, about 65 kilometres west of Christchurch, is the last petrol stop on State Highway 73 before the road snakes through the Southern Alps via Arthur’s Pass to the West Coast.  The rural town, which has about 500 residents, is best known for its large pink doughnut sculpture, a nod to cartoon character Homer Simpson who lives in a town of the same name and loves doughnuts. …

Coffee just flavoured tap water, finds report

Despite thousands of claims of unique one-off blends of gourmet, fair-trade ethical coffee, a shocking report carried out by SatireHub Institute of Technology found that 99.99% of coffee is only as good as the water it’s made in. “Sorry to burst your bubble here but no matter what the coffee claims to be, at the end of the day it’s still just flavoured tap water,” explained professor Kevin Power, delivering the news through protective chicken wire at a press conference at the institute, while those in attendance threw missiles at him. “Look,…

Woman loses 50kg after four years of hard work and cutting her legs off

A Christchurch woman has lost 50kg the old-fashioned way; paying friends to cut her legs off. Bex Gordon says when people ask how she did it, her answer is never what they want to hear or see. She shows them the stumps. “Everybody wants a quick fix. They want to know where, why, how, and when, but they hate the answer, which is just get some pills and some crazy mates to saw your legs off.” Weighing in at 126kg in the lead up to her 12th birthday, Gordon saidit was…

Cows lose their jobs as milk prices drop

As his 100 dairy cows lumbered over for their Monday afternoon milking, farmer Eric Foster pondered his sudden misfortune. Those profit machines during a recent milk boom, are now such money losers that he is selling part of his herd and fears he might have to quit the business altogether. It is not the cows’ fault. The problem is the plummeting wholesale price of milk. It has fallen more than 40 percent in six months, driven down by disparate factors such as better rains in Australia, a tainted-milk scare in China and…

Rob Nai officially wins noodle eating competition

After careful consideration a panel of judges from the Guinness Book of Records has announced that Rob Nai the Kai Guy won the noodle eating competition fair and square after his opponent was proven to have cheated. The video began with both men staring into the camera before one said: ‘Are you ready to get your a*** kicked?’ Troubles begin right away with one of the men accusing the other of not having the full amount of noodles that they agreed, saying the bowl is too small to hold 13…

Poot’s ‘Pimped Out’ 13 minute noodles

A fun and tasty snack or quick meal, MAGGI Chicken flavoured 13 Minute Noodles are the most popular flavour in the range. Simply break the noodle cake into quarters and cook on the stove top or in the microwave. Stir in the contents of the flavour sachet. Serve with or without broth as desired. To boost the goodness in your bowl, add lean protein such as cooked chicken, beef or prawns and plenty of vegetables. 255 g Maggi 2 minute noodles 6 eggs beaten 1 onion large sliced 2 cups frozen peas 3 cups bacon…

How to glaze a fucking Christmas ham

Over some festive fizz and a spot of good-natured mother-daughter ribbing, Sophie and Emerald Gilmour share two delicious glazes plus some ingenious tips for getting the best out of your Freedom Farms ham this Christmas.    Whether you want a classic glazed ham or something a bit jazzy, Freedom Farms, Dietary Requirements co-host Sophie Gilmour and her mum, Auckland hospo legend Emerald Gilmour, have got you covered. Sophie founded free-range chicken eatery Bird on a Wire in Auckland in 2013, growing the business to three stores and making it a mainstay of the Auckland…

Brand new vegan excited to ruin Christmas for everyone

A woman who has only recently become a vegan is getting ready to crap on every angle of her family’s Christmas. Nikki Hollis made the decision to stop consuming animal products after realising it suited her lifestyle choice of being passive-aggressively difficult, and is now excited to inflict her beliefs on her loved ones over the festive period. Hollis said: “There are so many so aspects of Christmas that involve the consumption of things that were once part of animal, and I really care about animals. Almost as much as…

Hellers release circumsized sasusages for Jewish market

The Heller family tradition of butcheries began when Gorg Heller emigrated from Germany to New Zealand during the gold rush of the 1880’s and started supplying the gold miners with smallgoods from a small shop in Arrowtown. One thing that Gorg Heller didn’t think about back then was manufacturing a circumsized sausage fit for the Jewish Market, that was until Todd Heller came along. Inspired by his travels to his grandfathjers homeland of Germany and visiting places such as Auschwitz, Todd began offering greater variety and new flavours – very…