17 years later, Eminem’s closet still not cleaned out

In 2002, Eminem topped the charts with his hit single “Cleanin’ Out My Closet” from the album The Eminem Show. The vicious lyrics fledged an attack on Eminem’s pesky mother, Debbie Mathers, who reportedly forced Eminem to skip the big school dance because he hadn’t completed this chore. While the verses in the song heavily criticize Debbie’s vigilance, Eminem ultimately promises that he will clean out his closet that very night. 17 years later, new reports suggest that Eminem’s closet has still not been cleaned out.  We visited Eminem’s dilapidated childhood…

Poo particles appalled to find themselves living on your manky old toothbrush

After toothbrush scientists revealed that most toothbrushes are riddled with shit, poo particles announced they are disgusted by the findings. Microscopic traces of faecal matter are dismayed to learn that they’ve been living on a revolting toothbrush that should really have been replaced a good eighteen months ago. “When I heard the news I spontaneously vomited all down my front,” said poo particle Simon Williams. “And that’s saying something because I don’t even have a mouth…or a front come to think of it. “From our earliest days in Kinderfarten, we’re…

Dunedin students getting fucked up on bathsalts

Drug testers KnowYourStuff have confirmed cathinone C86, from the “bath salts” family of drugs, has been found in Dunedin – and they are warning people against taking it. Drug testing was carried out ahead of Saturday’s Hyde St Party, the second time the Otago University Students’ Association has organised for testing at a student event this year. Students or other people in the community could bring their drugs in and determine what was in them. Exactly what was in C86 was unknown, a statement from the drug testing organisation said.…

Craig Smith’s Gollywog Song reaches the top of New Zealand music charts

Businesses around the country are praising children’s author Craig Smith’s 2008 song in praise of golliwogs. The children’s song has just hit number one on all music charts! Smith, who wrote The Wonky Donkey, also penned Golliwog Song, in which he said he was given a golliwog at age three. “I never looked at his colour, I never looked at his race. I just liked his beautiful hair and smile across his face. If they can make white dolls then why can’t they make black – raise your voice and shout aloud…

Herbal tea found to be a gateway to crystals, oils and anti-vaxxing

A disturbing report by the CSIRO has confirmed that herbal tea is a gateway into other alternative remedies such as crystals, essential oils and not vacinating your kids. The long-term study followed the lives of average Australians and found a staggering 33% of herbal tea drinkers ended up abusing crystals and essential oils. These numbers compare to 2% for coffee drinkers and 0% for mainstream beer drinkers, with the most at risk individuals being recently divorced women in coastal towns. The controversial 14 year study has already been criticised by the alternative therapy…

Kiwi mum shares secret on how to give your kids diabetes

A Kiwi mum has been praised by fellow parents after buying McDonald’s, KFC, pizzas and fizzy drink for her daughter’s seventh birthday. The Ratana mother shared an impressive image of the spread she put on for her daughter, and everyone was in a celebratory mood. After posting the photo in the Mongrel Mob food group Heils Kitchen, she was praised and told she’s giving her “children diabetes” and sending them down a path of love and happiness. “My girl’s 7th birthday party. Kentucky chicken, cheeseburgers, Thai food, pizza. This is…

Cyber Law two years on, not without controversy

Harm is defined in the Harmful Digital Communications Act 2015 as causing “serious emotional distress”. That’s what LukeCunninghamClere partner, Sally Carter told lawyers at a Cyber Law “Applying Cyber Law to the Real World” conference held this week in Wellington by the New Zealand Law Society. The world-wide web arrived a quarter of a century ago and the cyber law that perhaps few predicted would come into effect to deal with the threat of unsanitary online harm to young people is nearly two years old.   The Harmful Digital Communications Act 2015 was…

Israel Folau finally comes out of the closet

Israel Folau looks to have had a change of heart head-on after finally coming out of the closet on social media. The rugby superstar has posted a banner on Instagram saying “drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars and fornicators” among others that heaven awaits them. “Those that are living in heterosexual relationships will end up in Hell unless you don’t give the gay a go. Jesus Christ loves you and is giving you time to turn away from your sin and come to him by practicing same sex affairs” his post says. Israel Folau is…

Auckland Museum employee arrested for renting out dinosaur fossils as sex toys

A security guard from Auckland Museum was arrested this m. orning in Ponsonby and accused of leading an unusual sex ring in which customers paid to have sex with dinosaur fossils. 77-year Kevin Phillips was arrested around 4:30 AM this morning by the Auckland City Police, along with four other men suspected of being customers. Police spokesman, Stuart Nash, says this unique sex ring had been running for at least two years and attracted rich customers from around the world. “Some customers paid up to $15,000 to have sex with a…

Coronation Street casts first black family and fans are not happy

Coronation Street has cast its first black family, with the Baileys moving to the street later this year but fans are not happy. Coronation Street producer Iain MacLeod announced the addition of Dad DeShawn (Trevor Michael Georges), known as Old Dog, and Mum DeShawna (Lorna Laidlaw), both in their 50s, and their two sons Tyrone (Ryan Russell) and DeShawn Jr (Nathan Graham). Not only are they the first family of colour, their storyline will also tackle homosexuality in football thanks to DeShawn, a promising footballer who is dealing with coming…