Kanye West admits he wants to have sex with all four Kardashians

Kanye West openly admits that he wants to sleep with ALL FOUR of his wife Kim Kardashian’s sisters in a new song. The 41-year-old rapper revealed he would like to ‘smash’ his sisters-in-law, in his latest track XTCY. Early Saturday morning, the rapper, 41, released “XTCY” with DJ Clark Kent tweeting a link to the track which West retweeted soon after. ‘You got sick thoughts? I got more of ’em,’ he raps, before making the revelation, which will surely make the next Kardashian family gathering an awkward gathering. ‘You got…

Man contracts syphilis after licking stripper pole in Hamilton

A 40-year-old man who has contracted syphilis after licking a dance pole has filed a lawsuit against an Hamilton strip club. The NZ Herald reported Thursday that Mike Litte, 40, is seeking $500,000 in damages from a Hamilton strip club. During the performance, one dancer apparently “squirted” on the dance pole, which Litte decided to lick before suffering from symptoms of syphilis days later. “My client was not aware that the dancer had syphilis and that the content of her female ejaculation was contagious” Litte’s lawyer, Andrew Smith, told reporters.…

Drink driver accused of swallowing breathalyzer to avoid arrest

An Orewa man who was arrested for driving while under the influence of alcohol last night found a rather original way to beat the breathalyzer: he swallowed it! According to the Orewa Police, 31-year James Bryant was pulled up around midnight while he was driving his sisters 2009 Mazda Axela. The officers reported he had been driving erratically and suspected him of being under the influence of alcohol and nitrous oxide. During a press conference this morning, Orewa police spokesman Calvin Williams described the unusual scene that took place when…

Local tough-guy with tattoo’s threatens to stab computer nerd over Facebook post

Invercargill Whinge admin, Adam McColl who takes his job far too seriously has broken down. The 40 something year old absolutely lost his shit when a post was made about middle-aged white men being pedophiles. The overzealous admin instantly put on his little sheriff hat and started with the threats to ban people talking about pedophiles. One person suggested that maybe Mr. McColl was affected by some kind of guilt. It didn’t take long until the threats started hitting peoples inboxes. He was threatening people with visits to their homes,…

15-year-old student builds an atomic bomb as a science project

As North Korea’s nuclear program is drawing a lot of attention and causing tension among the world’s superpowers, a teenager from Sweden has created 45-kiloton atomic bomb for her school’s science fair. 15-year old Greta Thunberg is one of the 137 students who were participating this week, in this year’s Swedish Junior Science Fair. Daughter of a Marine Captain and an aeronautic engineer, she decided to present a complete A-bomb as her project in order to “show people that these things aren’t so dangerous”. “Atomic bombs haven’t killed nearly as many people…

Would-be thief hospitalized after putting Deep Heat up his rectum in Four Square store

A man’s attempt to steal three containers of Deep Heat from a Four Square convenience store turned horribly wrong last night in Tauranga, leading the poor man to the hospital with second and third-degree burns inside his rectal cavity. According to witnesses, 26-year old Jason Morrison was visibly drunk when he entered the store around 10:30 PM last night to get some food. It seems the young man was both short on money and judgment, as he decided to take three Deep Heat tubes and stuff them up his rectal…

Woman arrested for calling her ex boyfriend 77000 times in a week

A New Mexico woman was finally arrested this morning by officers of the Albuquerque Police Department in what could be the most extreme case of stalking ever recorded in the history of the country. The 28-year old woman allegedly not only called her ex-lover a formidable 77 639 times in a week but also sent him 1937 emails, 41 229 text messages, 217 sung messages and 647 letters in the same period. Linda Murphy, who has a history of obsessive-compulsive behavior, would have badly taken her breakup with William Ryans, with whom she had had a…

Canterbury farmer claims he was sexually assaulted by taniwha

A dairy farmer from  Canterbury says he was sexually assaulted for two days by “an extremely short bearded dragon” which he says is a taniwha. In an exclusive interview broadcasted this morning on RTÉ, Malo Luafutu from Christchurch, says he was milking his cows on Saturday when he was hit on the head from behind with a shovel or similar tool. The attack knocked him out, and when he woke up a few hours later, he had been tied up to a support beam inside his own barn. The 34-year old farmer says he…

Michael Jackson exhumed for questioning

The Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, California, was cordoned off this morning while investigators acting on a warrant began exhuming American singer, performer and songwriter Michael Jackson for questioning over alleged child abuse allegations. The King of Pop is expected to be questioned after a new documentary by British filmmaker Dan Reed focuses on two men who claim they were sexually abused by the pop star as children, despite their case being dismissed by a court in 2013. “We have no other option but to exhume Mr. Jackson and ask him if these allegations are indeed true,”…