Man arrested after selling meth in now illegal plastic bag

A Christchurch man has been arrested after selling meth in a now illegal plastic bag. It is understood, Craig Peters from Lyttleton sold half a gram of methamphetamine inside a small ziplock baggie which was inside a New World supermarket bag. The new rules apply to any type of plastic less than 70 microns in thickness, that’s new or un-used, has carry handles, is provided for carrying sold goods, and is made of bio-based materials like starch. It also covers bags made of plastics that are degradable, biodegradable or oxo-degradable.…

Prisoners love smoking nicotine patches and green tea

It’s been a number of years since the ban on tobacco, Kiwi inmates’ surrogate currency. The results are weird, but also predictable. Tobacco had been an important part of prison culture, functioning as the main currency and providing a way to unwind in such a pressurised environment. Inmates could share roll-ups with each other to cement bonds or forge alliances. Prison officers would sometimes use the promise of a cigarette as a means of pacifying troublesome prisoners. Smoking was embedded in the fabric of the New Zealand prison system. Various…

Toddler murdered while Oranga Tamariki focuses on stealing babies from newborn mum’s

Police have launched a homicide investigation after a 16-month-old boy succumbed to serious head injuries yesterday. Hospital staff alerted police to the case, believing the child’s injuries may have been deliberately inflicted. The toddler’s mother has had FIVE other children removed from her care by Oranga Tamariki. That’s right, FIVE fucking children yet The Ministry of Vulnerable Children continue to focus on ‘uplifting’ new born babies from Maori mothers where there is no proof of past abuse towards children. Detective Senior Sergeant Geoff Baber said police had launched a homicide…

Is Netsafe CEO Martin Cocker behind Momo?

A terrified five-year-old from New Mexico in the US has called the police on Momo, imploring them to track down the scary internet creature. Momo has recently made headlines after images of Japanese artist Keisuke Aiso’s creation reportedly appeared in the middle of children’s videos on YouTube, threatening the viewers and their parents. It also made headlines last year after reports surfaced of a challenge where Momo would tell participants to kill themselves. This was later revealed to be a hoax. Giovanni Pedroz’s parents said they told their son to…

A guide on how to become a Oranga Tamariki social worker

Oranga Tamariki—Ministry for Uplifting Children are on a journey to ensure that all Māori tamariki belong and are part of a loving Pakeha whānau. Oranga Tamariki is leading social work practice that is state-centered, trauma inducing and non-effective for all Māori parents. As a Social Worker, you will have an opportunity to change the lives of young people and their whānau, for the worse. Using the latest weakness-based practice tools and assessment frameworks; you will work hard to get quality outcomes for tamariki and rangatahi. Oranga Tamariki uses a lot…

Toilet paper shortage in New Zealand prisons linked to Three’s Love Island

The Department of Corrections have released a statement this afternoon in response to allegations that New Zealand Prisons are running out of toilet paper. Corrections operations general manager Jason McMermaid said New Zealand prisons currently have a limited supply of toilet paper and he believes that Love Island on TV Three at 5pm is to blame. “Once it hits 5pm all the prisoners are in their bunks, under the blankets with tissues in one hand and remote in the other. They just can’t get enough of the sluts on Love…

Undercover operation finds suspect shits in the shower

Undercover operations which were conducted by the GCSB, Five Eyes and NZ Police over a year on certain individuals in New Zealand found one suspect guilty of shitting in the shower. The operation took a turn for the worse when one of the undercover agents left the shower with ‘mud’ on the soles of his feet. After forensic testing at an ESR laboratory, results came back that it was not indeed soil or mud, but human feces. The operation which cost the tax payer more than $250,000 left operatives with…

New Zealand Police dog comes out as gay

Kosmos, The popular NZ Police dog shared his news with a string of tweets in the small hours of Sunday morning. “As a police dog, I can’t tell u about everybody else’s closet, I can only tell u about mine, and it’s time I’ve come out,” he wrote in one tweet on the NZ Police Twitter feed. He added, “And since y’all love breaking news, here’s some old news to break, I’m gay. I am looking for another dog of the same sex to help me find happiness.” And he…

Daniel Green – The fraudster who stole Johnny Danger’s dream

Johnny Bennett’s Danger’s Lager flew off supermarket shelves on its release toward the end of 2017. Within months, the product had vanished, leaving in its wake debt, deceit and scathing accusations. Twelve months on from his death, the social media comedian’s heartbroken parents are fighting to save their son’s beer company. Bennett’s death was a sudden and shocking loss to many, but to no one more so than his parents, who are desperately trying to continue his legacy.   “He wanted his beer to go to four corners of the Earth…

SCAM: Kangen Water with Alicia Walsh

SatireHub has just received an email from someone updating us on Alicia Walsh’s current scams. “I had a friend invite me a long to this Kangen Water presentation. I didn’t know who it was with and it ended up being Alicia Walash. She is so unprofessional. Almost every second word coming out of her mouth was fuck or cunt. For some reason all these people believe her scams and when they don’t make any money Alicia Walsh tells them it is their fault and then stops replying to them on…