Drink driver accused of swallowing breathalyzer to avoid arrest

An Orewa man who was arrested for driving while under the influence of alcohol last night found a rather original way to beat the breathalyzer: he swallowed it! According to the Orewa Police, 31-year James Bryant was pulled up around midnight while he was driving his sisters 2009 Mazda Axela. The officers reported he had been driving erratically and suspected him of being under the influence of alcohol and nitrous oxide. During a press conference this morning, Orewa police spokesman Calvin Williams described the unusual scene that took place when…

Would-be thief hospitalized after putting Deep Heat up his rectum in Four Square store

A man’s attempt to steal three containers of Deep Heat from a Four Square convenience store turned horribly wrong last night in Tauranga, leading the poor man to the hospital with second and third-degree burns inside his rectal cavity. According to witnesses, 26-year old Jason Morrison was visibly drunk when he entered the store around 10:30 PM last night to get some food. It seems the young man was both short on money and judgment, as he decided to take three Deep Heat tubes and stuff them up his rectal…

Woman arrested for calling her ex boyfriend 77000 times in a week

A New Mexico woman was finally arrested this morning by officers of the Albuquerque Police Department in what could be the most extreme case of stalking ever recorded in the history of the country. The 28-year old woman allegedly not only called her ex-lover a formidable 77 639 times in a week but also sent him 1937 emails, 41 229 text messages, 217 sung messages and 647 letters in the same period. Linda Murphy, who has a history of obsessive-compulsive behavior, would have badly taken her breakup with William Ryans, with whom she had had a…

Man accused of stealing 32 tons of bacon

46-year old Randolf Turner, the manager of a Wendy’s restaurant in Michigan, is accused of stealing more than 32 tons of bacon from his employer over the last four years. The man would have elaborated a complex plot to divert for his personal use, from 20 to 250 kilograms of meat per week, from shipments destined to his branch of the restaurant chain. The man allegedly took advantage of his position to falsify orders and sales in order to hide the disappearance of the bacon from the company accounts and used his…

More than 20 tinny houses in West Auckland forced to close due to ‘security reasons’

Tinny houses in Auckland have been forced to close after a spate of standovers. 21 tinny houses were shut due to “security reasons” on Monday afternoon after a directive was given by the Cannabis Dealers Association. Customers were were met with a “closed” sign and turned away at the door.  The closures came after a tinnu house in Te Atatū was robbed at 12.25pm on Sunday, when a robber brandished a gun before making off with a small amount of cash and 56 pre-rolled cannabis tinny’s. Police said they were aware the tinny shops were…

KFC addict racks up $23k on employer’s stolen debit card to fuel habit

A Manurewa man who went on a $23,000 spending spree using his employer’s bank card has been given a chance to “beat his demons”. Sione Davis, 30, appeared before Judge Peter Giesen for sentencing in the Auckland District Court on Monday. He appeared on several charges, including using a document for pecuniary advantage, theft from a dwelling and driving while prohibited. The judge, reading the summary of facts, said Davis was living in Otara when the offending occurred and was living with the victim, who was also his employer. The victim had misplaced his…

Man arrested after selling meth in now illegal plastic bag

A Christchurch man has been arrested after selling meth in a now illegal plastic bag. It is understood, Craig Peters from Lyttleton sold half a gram of methamphetamine inside a small ziplock baggie which was inside a New World supermarket bag. The new rules apply to any type of plastic less than 70 microns in thickness, that’s new or un-used, has carry handles, is provided for carrying sold goods, and is made of bio-based materials like starch. It also covers bags made of plastics that are degradable, biodegradable or oxo-degradable.…

Prisoners love smoking nicotine patches and green tea

It’s been a number of years since the ban on tobacco, Kiwi inmates’ surrogate currency. The results are weird, but also predictable. Tobacco had been an important part of prison culture, functioning as the main currency and providing a way to unwind in such a pressurised environment. Inmates could share roll-ups with each other to cement bonds or forge alliances. Prison officers would sometimes use the promise of a cigarette as a means of pacifying troublesome prisoners. Smoking was embedded in the fabric of the New Zealand prison system. Various…

Toddler murdered while Oranga Tamariki focuses on stealing babies from newborn mum’s

Police have launched a homicide investigation after a 16-month-old boy succumbed to serious head injuries yesterday. Hospital staff alerted police to the case, believing the child’s injuries may have been deliberately inflicted. The toddler’s mother has had FIVE other children removed from her care by Oranga Tamariki. That’s right, FIVE fucking children yet The Ministry of Vulnerable Children continue to focus on ‘uplifting’ new born babies from Maori mothers where there is no proof of past abuse towards children. Detective Senior Sergeant Geoff Baber said police had launched a homicide…

Is Netsafe CEO Martin Cocker behind Momo?

A terrified five-year-old from New Mexico in the US has called the police on Momo, imploring them to track down the scary internet creature. Momo has recently made headlines after images of Japanese artist Keisuke Aiso’s creation reportedly appeared in the middle of children’s videos on YouTube, threatening the viewers and their parents. It also made headlines last year after reports surfaced of a challenge where Momo would tell participants to kill themselves. This was later revealed to be a hoax. Giovanni Pedroz’s parents said they told their son to…