North Korean missile hits Facebook’s main server

North Korea launched another missile, but this time it accidentally hit Facebook main server in Oregon. Users are having trouble using Facebook today due to this small incident. “We had a tiny problem and we’re trying to fix it”, stated Facebook spokesman in a press conference. He would have said it on Facebook, but it’s down. Several parts of Facebook are working, because that information is located in different data centers. According to user reports, Messenger, notifications and the news feed aren’t working. The U.S President Donald Trump hasn’t stated…

Te Atatū self-defence death: ‘If the van owner wasn’t white, we would of charged him’ say police

If the Te Atatū van owner who acted in self-defence was instead Maori or Pacific Islander he would of been charged with murder police say. Jason Murray, 36, died on Tuesday after an altercation with a man whose van he was trying to steal early on Sunday morning. Police believe Murray died of injuries suffered during the fight – but they believe the Pakeha van owner was acting in self defence. They have not said whether he will be charged over the death. He had co-operated fully with the investigation…

Preacher arrested for drowning his side chick during baptising ceremony

SHE WAS TRYING TO F**K UP A GOOD THING. I WAS GETTING DOUBLE THE P***Y FOR 32 YEARS, THEN SHE DECIDED TO CATCH FEELINGS” Pastor Ronnie Marchenen A Florida preacher was arrested for attempting to drown his sidechick while baptizing her during a Sunday ceremony where bystanders realized things were going wrong after 5 minutes past, and the pastor hadn’t brought her up for air. “ONCE HER WEAVE STARTED GETTING SOGGY WE KNEW SHE HAD BEEN UNDER WAYY TOO LONG” – CHURCH MEMBER Pastor Ronnie Marchenen will face attempted murder…

New Zealand court determines female police officer with 8 inch clitoris legally a man

The High Court of New Zealand pronounced a very controversial ruling this morning in Auckland, declaring that all women with clitorises longer than 7,5 centimetres (3 inches) can now be legally considered as men. In an unanimous decision, the five-member High Court panel, led by Sian Elias ruled that a 36-year old police constables request was “perfectly sound and legitimate”, ordering that her legal status be changed immediately. The police officer celebrated her victory which puts an end to a 7-year legal battle for the woman with an exceptionally large…

Johnny Sins accused of sexual harassment by 8 women

Johnny Sins, an actor, engineer, doctor, astronaut, karate master, pizza deliver guy, plumber, dentist, school teacher, business man, scientist, soldier, firefighter, detective, cop, wrestler,  football coach, and many other professions, has been acc*sed of disrespectful conduct towards women. One of the biggest contributors to society, who has helped many woman throughout his entire life, has been acc*sed by 8 of them, who claim that he “forcefully kissed them” and “spanked them” without the required consent. According to CNN, the women allege that it happened during one of the films (Sins…

Drink driver accused of swallowing breathalyzer to avoid arrest

An Orewa man who was arrested for driving while under the influence of alcohol last night found a rather original way to beat the breathalyzer: he swallowed it! According to the Orewa Police, 31-year James Bryant was pulled up around midnight while he was driving his sisters 2009 Mazda Axela. The officers reported he had been driving erratically and suspected him of being under the influence of alcohol and nitrous oxide. During a press conference this morning, Orewa police spokesman Calvin Williams described the unusual scene that took place when…

Would-be thief hospitalized after putting Deep Heat up his rectum in Four Square store

A man’s attempt to steal three containers of Deep Heat from a Four Square convenience store turned horribly wrong last night in Tauranga, leading the poor man to the hospital with second and third-degree burns inside his rectal cavity. According to witnesses, 26-year old Jason Morrison was visibly drunk when he entered the store around 10:30 PM last night to get some food. It seems the young man was both short on money and judgment, as he decided to take three Deep Heat tubes and stuff them up his rectal…

Woman arrested for calling her ex boyfriend 77000 times in a week

A New Mexico woman was finally arrested this morning by officers of the Albuquerque Police Department in what could be the most extreme case of stalking ever recorded in the history of the country. The 28-year old woman allegedly not only called her ex-lover a formidable 77 639 times in a week but also sent him 1937 emails, 41 229 text messages, 217 sung messages and 647 letters in the same period. Linda Murphy, who has a history of obsessive-compulsive behavior, would have badly taken her breakup with William Ryans, with whom she had had a…

Man accused of stealing 32 tons of bacon

46-year old Randolf Turner, the manager of a Wendy’s restaurant in Michigan, is accused of stealing more than 32 tons of bacon from his employer over the last four years. The man would have elaborated a complex plot to divert for his personal use, from 20 to 250 kilograms of meat per week, from shipments destined to his branch of the restaurant chain. The man allegedly took advantage of his position to falsify orders and sales in order to hide the disappearance of the bacon from the company accounts and used his…

More than 20 tinny houses in West Auckland forced to close due to ‘security reasons’

Tinny houses in Auckland have been forced to close after a spate of standovers. 21 tinny houses were shut due to “security reasons” on Monday afternoon after a directive was given by the Cannabis Dealers Association. Customers were were met with a “closed” sign and turned away at the door.  The closures came after a tinnu house in Te Atatū was robbed at 12.25pm on Sunday, when a robber brandished a gun before making off with a small amount of cash and 56 pre-rolled cannabis tinny’s. Police said they were aware the tinny shops were…