Neosporin create world’s first anti-butthurt cream for people who get offended on everything

Neosporin, the brand that makes skin care products, has manufactured for the first time in history the first butthurt cream for those people who get offended by everything. The company is excited to sell this new product and it worked in all the 1500 successful tests. “We are barely starting. Currently the cream will be only sold through the Internet, since it’s the place with more butthurts. After a few months we’ll start selling it in real life”, said the president of the pharmaceutical brand to our reporter Gary Cockburn. He…

Study confirms that suicide rate in teenagers decreases down to 0 when they turn 20 years old

A new study revealed that the suicide rate in teenagers decreases down to 0 after they turn 20 years old. No teenager in New Zealand commits suicide after turning 20, and scientists and statisticians are still shocked by this fact. “‘Why teenagers in NZ only commit suicide when they’re between 12-19?’ is the real question” said the statistician Cookie Baker. He kept going: “There has to be something preventing teenagers from committing suicide after they turn 20”. The statisticians from the University of Otago believe that maybe teenagers in New…

North Korean missile hits Facebook’s main server

North Korea launched another missile, but this time it accidentally hit Facebook main server in Oregon. Users are having trouble using Facebook today due to this small incident. “We had a tiny problem and we’re trying to fix it”, stated Facebook spokesman in a press conference. He would have said it on Facebook, but it’s down. Several parts of Facebook are working, because that information is located in different data centers. According to user reports, Messenger, notifications and the news feed aren’t working. The U.S President Donald Trump hasn’t stated…

A word from old mate Sir Bob Jones

The news from Sydney that the Fairfax Board has declined the best offer they could solicit for Stuff’s newspaper fleet, namely $50m, came as a surprise. They’re out of touch and should have grabbed it, tee-heeing as they fled that there’s one born every minute. For who would be dumb enough to want to buy such rapidly dwindling in value assets? Further evidence of their lack of touch is the hint that they may try to float the company, perhaps inspired by the constant moaning by our sharemarket writers about…

Stratton Court accused of scamming and misleading customers

A disgraced bankrupt business man has been accused of taking hundreds of thousands of dollars from potential property investors and intentionally misleading them with his company strattoncourt.com.au. Jack Steven Taylor, formerly known as Steven Robert Donnelly is alleged to have pocketed hundreds of thousands of dollars that clients believed was being use to purchase investment properties in the USA. Melbourne man Martin Jones is taking legal action against Jack Taylor, saying he transferred $115,469 to the bank account of Stratton Court, which Taylor then kept.  “This guy is making a mockery of Australian…

Racist Māori woman abuses Springfield Store and Cafe owners

A video has surfaced online of an aggressive Māori woman abusing the two lovely owners of the Springfield Store and Cafe in Canterbury. Springfield, about 65 kilometres west of Christchurch, is the last petrol stop on State Highway 73 before the road snakes through the Southern Alps via Arthur’s Pass to the West Coast.  The rural town, which has about 500 residents, is best known for its large pink doughnut sculpture, a nod to cartoon character Homer Simpson who lives in a town of the same name and loves doughnuts. …

A guide on how to become a Oranga Tamariki social worker

Oranga Tamariki—Ministry for Uplifting Children are on a journey to ensure that all Māori tamariki belong and are part of a loving Pakeha whānau. Oranga Tamariki is leading social work practice that is state-centered, trauma inducing and non-effective for all Māori parents. As a Social Worker, you will have an opportunity to change the lives of young people and their whānau, for the worse. Using the latest weakness-based practice tools and assessment frameworks; you will work hard to get quality outcomes for tamariki and rangatahi. Oranga Tamariki uses a lot…

Hell Pizza surprises customers with human feces-based meat pizza

Fast-food chain Hell Pizza has recently released a pizza with human shit being the main ingredient. Following the launch of its ‘Bugger Pizza’, Hell did not disclose to its customers that the burgers on the topping was actually human excrement. Hell says it had sold 3000 of the pizzas since last Friday and only one customer had guessed that the ‘medium-rare burger’ patties were actually human shit. In an online survey, 70 per cent of those who tried the covert pizza said it tasted just like shit and 80 per…

Book review – Go Fuck Yourself, Cunt by David Seymour

Politicians are the second least trusted profession, just barely ahead of the journalists who report on them. Even the used car salesmen and lawyers are being rehabilitated compared with politicians. No wonder John Key achieved political superstardom by effectively saying “I’ll keep those other muppets out and then I won’t change anything.” But what if politicians could solve real problems, and were prepared to set out their solutions in a book? introducing David Seymour’s new book – Go Fuck Youself, Cunt. This book is filled with fresh new ideas. Deep…