NZ weekly rent price set to increase 30% by end of this headline

THE latest news emerging from the New Zealand property and rental market suggests that due to a shortage of houses available, prices will have been driven up as much as 30% in the time it took you to read this article’s headline. The Labour government, millennials and the Salvation Army all expressed their concern, however they declined to comment on the record for fear any lengthening of the article could see further price increases. “I mean, depending on how long I ramble on about ‘current market factors’ and ‘confidence in…

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Maori bank cards declined

In complete contrast to the successful launch of its Chinese Year of the Pig Eftpos Card. The ASB Bank have today had to withdraw and recall its Matariki Maori New Year Card. The card in question, which features a Maori design upon the front, has been refusing to work at eftpos machines around the country. Satirehub has confirmed that regardless of the balance in your account, the words DECLINED are displayed across the face of the machines. Speaking directly to Satirehub, Harry van Verdan, ASB Banks Head of IWI Relations,…

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Ummm I cant sleep,,, but is smoking meth the best idea to celebrate Waitangi puff?

HELLO! I am Lena and I am a travel agent. I wanted to explain what meth does for me. IT IS AMAZING. Methamphetamine is a synthetic (man-made up in the dogs lab) chemical, unlike cocaine, for instance, which comes from a plant. Meth is commonly manufactured in illegal, hidden laboratories, mixing various forms of amphetamine (another stimulant drug) or derivatives with other chemicals to boost its potency. Common pills for cold remedies are often used as the basis for the production of the drug. The meth “cook” extracts ingredients from…

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Mongrel Mob release new kids book ‘A Very Mungy Caterpillar’

After the success with their first kids book ‘Clifford the Big Mob Dog’ the Mongrel Mob have released a new hearty title ‘A Very Mungy Caterpillar’. The Very Mungry Caterpillar is a children’s picture book designed, illustrated, and written by Eric Carle, first published by the World Publishing Company in 2018, later published by Penguin Putnam.  It features a caterpillar who eats his way through a wide variety of KFC and boil up before pupating and emerging as a homosexual butterfly. The winner of many children’s literature awards and a major graphic design award, it has sold 30 million copies worldwide. It has been described…

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Masturbation at work should be okay because it’s a great way to relieve tension and stress, say experts

After a recent survey by Time Out New York about masturbating habits of office goers, some psychologists have spoken about the benefits of the act, arguing that masturbating breaks are a “great way to relieve tension and stress.” Mark Sergeant, a senior lecturer in psychology at the Nottingham Trent University, told Metro that a break for masturbation would be “very effective at work” and also a “great way to relieve tension and stress.” Dr. Cliff Arnall, a psychologist and life coach, agreed and said: “I would expect a masturbation policy to result…

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This amazing app tells you which of your friends are secretly racist

An amazing app developed by a group of young tech entrepreneurs from Massachusetts is being praised for it’s accuracy in determining which of your friends are racist, or think women are mostly responsible for domestic violence. Facebook (also known as ‘The Face Book’) has developed an algorithm that notifies users every time one of their friends has racist thoughts or begin to develop prejudices towards people based on their religion our nationality. Local woman, Sally Bowler has only been using Facebook for several months, but says she is astounded by the app’s ability…

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Lego releases new ‘Build the Wall’ set

While the country anxiously awaits a decision on President Donald Trump’s controversial border wall, a 40-year-old Canadian ironworker has decided to build the barrier himself, one Lego brick at a time. Chris, who goes by Balderdhash on Reddit, first published his border wall Lego design in Feb. 2017 while he was home from work recovering from a medical issue. “I decided to teach myself to Photoshop with my spare time,” Chris told Forbes through Reddit. “The inspiration came from a combination of recreational cannabis and the media attention the wall was getting, I simply…

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Low IQ staff and a pile of rubbish leads to complaints at KFC Motueka

KFC Motueka has had its drive-though or restaurant closed on more than one occasion this year, due to staff shortages. Low IQ staff and a pile of rubbish have led to hygiene concerns at Motueka’s KFC restaurant. The High St outlet of the international fast-food giant has been criticised by customers following restaurant closures and a report of uncollected rubbish being left out  Photos sent to SatireHub taken last week showed a pile of waste at the rear of the restaurant, which included leftover chicken and juice on the floor, placed against goods destined for the dry store and use in the restaurant.…

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Cows lose their jobs as milk prices drop

As his 100 dairy cows lumbered over for their Monday afternoon milking, farmer Eric Foster pondered his sudden misfortune. Those profit machines during a recent milk boom, are now such money losers that he is selling part of his herd and fears he might have to quit the business altogether. It is not the cows’ fault. The problem is the plummeting wholesale price of milk. It has fallen more than 40 percent in six months, driven down by disparate factors such as better rains in Australia, a tainted-milk scare in China and…

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