17 years later, Eminem’s closet still not cleaned out

In 2002, Eminem topped the charts with his hit single “Cleanin’ Out My Closet” from the album The Eminem Show. The vicious lyrics fledged an attack on Eminem’s pesky mother, Debbie Mathers, who reportedly forced Eminem to skip the big school dance because he hadn’t completed this chore. While the verses in the song heavily criticize Debbie’s vigilance, Eminem ultimately promises that he will clean out his closet that very night. 17 years later, new reports suggest that Eminem’s closet has still not been cleaned out.  We visited Eminem’s dilapidated childhood…

Poo particles appalled to find themselves living on your manky old toothbrush

After toothbrush scientists revealed that most toothbrushes are riddled with shit, poo particles announced they are disgusted by the findings. Microscopic traces of faecal matter are dismayed to learn that they’ve been living on a revolting toothbrush that should really have been replaced a good eighteen months ago. “When I heard the news I spontaneously vomited all down my front,” said poo particle Simon Williams. “And that’s saying something because I don’t even have a mouth…or a front come to think of it. “From our earliest days in Kinderfarten, we’re…