Chinese Customs seize 12-tons of smuggled kiwi penises

Chinese customs officers seized over 12 tons of illegally trafficked kiwi genitals in the country’s biggest-ever smuggling case involving animal parts. A total of 94 bags holding thousands of penises each were seized onboard a New Zealand ship transporting mostly wood products and minerals. Approximately 400,000 to 600,000 kiwi’s must have been killed to produce the 12.7 tons of penises, NZ Herald reports. According to NZ Herald, kiwi penises are used in traditional Chinese medicine to cure erectile dysfunction and increase sexual vigor. The Chinese General Administration of Customs gave a long…

Heaps of gay guys with HIV meeting in Auckland park

To celebrate 21 years of having HIV and AIDS the Big Gay Out festival is gearing up for the biggest, GAYEST, birthday party ever! The HIV Big Gay Out is New Zealand’s largest and most fabulous family-friendly Rainbow Community event and part of the Auckland Pride Festival. Each year it attracts of more than 10,000 gorgeous LGBTIQ+ people, their whānau and friends, for a day in the sun full of music, food, dance and colour. The event kicks off from midday Sunday 9 February 2020 and the extreme weather date…

Local 18-year-old lines up empty beers like a fucken legend

If you don’t save the bottles from the first session you had, then how will anyone know how much of a fucken legend you are? This rite of passage usually only ever amounts to a loud bin run, but for one Betoota Quarry 18-year-old it’s meant a world title.   This morning Weber, the Wonder of the World organiser, declared Betoota was now home to the 8th wonder of the world. The highly prestigious title was given to local sick cunt Clayton Manning’s empty beer bottle collection, which he tells The…

Hipster red-faced after uncle unironically wears the same outfit to BBQ

A family barbecue ended in embarrassment for local hipster Edwardino on Sunday, when distinctly un-hip Uncle George rocked up in an almost identical outfit. Edwardino, who runs a popular pop-up vintage cufflink dispensary in a decommissioned Newtown bus-stop, said the fashion faux-pas was totally unexpected. “I went to a lot of trouble to select my outfit; I chose a retro orange paisley shirt I found in an upcycled fashion boutique that my friend runs out of a restored Kombi van.” “Then I paired it with some super-expensive pre-stressed jeans I imported myself, a pair…

Wellington: 76-year-old prostitute retires after satisfying her 500,000th client

Today marks an important milestone in the history of prostitution in Wellington, as the legendary prostitute Beatrice “$3.00” Thompson announced her retirement after a 54-year career that left 500,000 customers satisfied, including four New Zealand prime ministers. Nicknamed “3$” for the price of a blowjob when she started working in the sex industry, Ms. Thompson rapidly became known as one of the best in the profession. The Sex Workers’ Union of Wellington named her “Sex Worker of the Year” seventeen times between 1969 and 1992 and honored her contribution to…

Phone books now to be delivered directly to recycling bins

In a move applauded by green groups, Yellow Pages has announced plans to deliver it’s iconic telephone directories directly to the nation’s recycling bins. Studies have shown that usage of the once-indispensable directories has recently fallen with the advent of the internet and the aftermath of several Police Royal Commissions. A spokesman for the company that gave Australia the famous “Not happy Jan” television commercial and some very large books that nobody with internet access actually uses, says “We still need to publish them, because people need to know what…

Kodak Black says The Game has no street cred because he use to shake his booty on strip poles

Kodak Black responded to The Game today, saying The Game can’t come for him because he used to shake his booty on Strip Poles until 50 cent came and got him: “How you finna come at a sniper when you was a booty shaker” Kodak Black took to IG Live today to respond to the game. The game previously responded to the Kodak Black for saying some out of pocket things about Lauren London. Kodak first said: “Lauren London that’s baby, though. She about to be out here single. She’s…

Boss up your life with Alicia Walsh is a scam

Prolific fraudster and scammer Alicia Walsh has simply changed the name of her old scam from ‘Stack that Cash’ to ‘Boss up your life with Alicia Walsh’. Not only is she out there still targeting the most venerable people in our communities with her Kangen water scam. She targets dumb, uneducated, benefit bludger Maori and Pacific Islanders to buy the overpriced water ioniser systems. If they don’t go ahead with the purchase, she then tries to get them to sign up for her old scam, with a different name –…

Man reportedly freed by police after friend commented “Free My Nigga” on Facebook

 Police have reportedly freed a man from jail after they supposedly saw a comment on their facebook post made by a friend of the man saying “free my n*gga” Derek Ericson, 23, was released from jail by Chicago police Wednesday morning after a friend of Derek’s commented “free my n*gga” on a facebook post made by CPD on their page. The person in charge of running the CPD facebook account showed other officers the comment and within a few hours Derek was a free man. Derek was arrested last week…

SCAM ALERT: Boss Up Your Life With Alicia Walsh

You probably landed here because you searched on Google wondering if ‘Boss Up Your Life With Alicia Walsh’ is a scam. Well heres some non-surprising news, of course its a fucking scam you fucking un-educated, lowlife idiot. Alicia Walsh continues to sell dreams to the most vulnerable people in our communities, and when ‘you’ don’t get the promised returns, she blames it on you, that you didn’t work hard enough. Alicia Walsh has scammed everyone from teenagers, to the elderly and sadly, her own family. She continues to scam people…